Pump it, don’t squeeze it

Many years ago, like maybe 20 or so, I decided that dispensing dish detergent by squeezing the bottle was wasteful. It also lacked repeatability of the amount squozen. So in the interest of frugality and accuracy, I saved the pump from an old shampoo bottle and attached it to the dish soap bottle. Over the intervening years, I have found that one-and-a-half pumps dispenses just the right amount of detergent to wash dishes for two.

I am almost certain the dish detergent makers and sellers will despise my idea; after all, I am sabotaging their income. Imagine this scenario—it’s the FIFTEENTH TIME IN A ROW that you get dishwashing duty and you’re ANGRY. You pick up the old, unmodified bottle and squeeze it like it’s your spouse/partner’s neck, pouring way too much detergent into the dishpan. The soap-maker’s face brightens as he/she sees more money pouring down your drain, and more profit pouring into his/her pockets.

So now you know why I lock all the house doors after dusk; these guys are after me, I’m sure. Excuse me for now, I’ve gotta go take my paranoia meds.