Birthday wishes

Thanks so much for the warm e-wishes from all of you. The message traffic was so intense it overheated the antenna on the satellite, warping it and sending the beam to Antarctica, where it focused on the Russian base’s vodka storage shed, causing it to explode. Significant ice was melted also. I’m not sure what my legal standing is in this case, but I have the feeling that public pressure will mount once again to get me to change my birthday to February 31.

Illustration: NASA