Rattler under the porch

On returning from a town trip I noticed the cat was looking at something under the front porch. As I stepped onto the porch a familiar sound erupted. A rattler was under it. Oh well, I took the groceries in and put them away. When I went back outside, the cat had backed away a little, but was still staring intently at the noisemaker.

You can estimate the size of a rattlesnake by the sound it makes. Small ones make a hissing sound, kind of like air leaking from a punctured bicycle tire. Bigger ones can really get your attention, what with their lower frequency and higher decibel count. But this guy—whoa! I stomped the porch and all of a sudden the nails popped and the boards started flapping so violently the entire porch became a blur. It sounded like a fleet of big rigs with their Jake Brakes on, barreling out of control down Interstate 5 on the Bakersfield side of the Grapevine. The cat took off so fast that when he jumped up into a nearby tree he knocked the whole tree over which scared the horses so much they bolted and took out two or three miles of fence. The sparks from their iron shoes set the entire valley ablaze. I jumped in the car and fled. Maybe I’ll come back in a week or two after things cool down a bit. Hope the cat’s okay.

All right, all right, I was just kidding. About the cat, I mean.