Thursday, April 23

Big BIG pig dig!

Glancing out the window on this glorious spring morning, I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to see the tumultuously torn turf shown above. Wild pigs! And I immediately knew what they were after: the bounteous buried booty of the ravens. Here’s how it works. Being benevolent, I toss out much more than our rowdy ravenous ravens really require for simple sustenance. Being brilliant, they bury their bodacious bounty for later retrieval, but after awhile, they finally forget, failing to reliably remember recovery locations. Pudgy pigs purloin, pillage and plunder the piles of peanuts. (Actually I don’t feed the ravens peanuts, but it’s purposely, properly alliterative.)

To get to the real purpose of this silliness, I have an idea. Currently our societal trend is toward making our country green. Not grass green, environmentally green. Here’s something that can contribute immensely toward that goal—Pig Excavators! A basic element of new construction is the need for holes. Normally holes are produced in advanced societies with the use of machinery such as bulldozers, backhoes, or other excavators. Here’s my idea: bury tasty morsels by simply poking them into the ground, either manually or by using a farm tractor/planter. Wait for the pigs to find the morsels. Repeat the planting. Wait for the pigs. Repeat ad infinitum. Result: A nice deep hole as long as the pigs have a way to get out of the previously-dug hole. Green as you can get!

Once the hole is done, convert the pigs into bacon and footballs. Wow, what a win-win wonder!

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