Saturday, January 14

New! Lose seven pounds in only two days!

I have discovered a quick weight-loss method that gives guaranteed results. Let’s say you’ve expanded to the last notch on your belt and don’t have a leather punch. Just catch “the bug that’s going around,” spend a couple of days in bed, make sure you’re close to a toilet and have a plentiful supply of TP, and be prepared to dash to said toilet every one or two hours (leave the lid up). Sweating and a dull headache are optional. Make sure you have a nice clean wastebasket to use for depositing the weight you’re losing orally while simultaneously losing more on the toilet (this was handy at least a couple of times).

I started this program Wednesday night. It ended Friday night. Would I recommend such a rigorous regimen? Only if you don’t have a leather punch or a longer belt.


Susan said...

Ugh. Sorry to hear you have been sick.

Daffy said...

Just getting over same bug; just so much developed into a hideous head cold....weight I lost seems to be transformed to about 15 gal. of mucus; tightly packed up my sinuses....more fun to come!

K. Nooney said...

Gosh - that just sounds gnarly!!! I had that bug when I was stationed at the Clover Meadow station back in '92. I've never been that dehyrated! So far I've avoided the pesky bug that you and others have had this winter. I'm counting my blessings!

Pray for more rain!!!