Monday, August 11
Celebrating a millenium of blogging!
It’s time to celebrate one thousand years of continuous blogging! Not because I’ve actually done a thousand years of blogging, but because when that time comes, I’ll be dust and unable to celebrate, so I’m doing it now.
In these thousand years we’ve achieved the eradication of poverty and hunger. Transportation is powered by mere thought. Candy is good for your teeth. Waiting in line at movie premieres is history, as are lines at Apple stores when the new iBrains/iBods are released. Everyone loves the taste of broccoli and nobody’s afraid of snakes or allergic to peanuts. You always get the girl/boy of your dreams. Tomatoes taste like tomatoes (just kidding!). No lawyers. No taxes. No liberals. No conservatives. No moderates. No government. No spam. Telemarketers are serving multiple-lifetime sentences in phoneless prisons with background sounds of ringing phones which get louder at mealtimes. Great shows on all ten million channels. Forests never burn down, rivers never flood, hurricanes stay out at sea, tornadoes are just high-altitude thrill shows for comfortable earth-bound audiences to wonder at. Earthquakes are totally predictable and present opportunities to get cans of paint and martinis shaken with no effort. Cattle, sheep, and pigs become house pets, along with fish, chickens, and turkeys since meat is synthesized, cholesterol free, and cheap. The Chinese and Koreans have stopped eating dogs; house cats have become extinct. Everybody is just flat beautiful. You get to choose how long to live, and can come back even better than before, and with total recall, if you choose to return to earth at all. You can be a free-floating all-knowing all-experiencing spirit forever immersed in beautiful music and surrounded by incredibly fascinating, loving friends.
Ah yes, wonderful. Nice celebration. But right now I have to mop up the spot by the TV where the cat just peed.