Thursday, April 17

I know you’re out there…


I use a feature called Google Analytics to see how many people look at this blog, and where they are, how long they stay on the site, what their bank account numbers and social security numbers and all their passwords are, and everything they do, moment by moment, day by day. Other than that, not much is revealed besides mother’s maiden name, favorite movie, city of birth and that kind of stuff. Today I looked to see how much activity occurred in the last week or so, and discovered a viewer in Beijing, who looked at four pages and spent a total of 3.36 minutes (17.86 decihours metric) on the site. He stands 5'4" (163cm), has a skin temperature of 93°F (34°C), prefers wheat over rice, and has a drinking problem, which probably explains his long time on the site. There’s almost no money in his bank account, and he has three people besides himself to feed, clothe, and house on a pittance. His dog’s name was Din-Din, which it probably became.

I have a reader in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, whose location is shown as Honolulu which is on a whole ’nother island. Also, I know of readers in Death Valley who don’t show up at all (probably because they connect via satellite), and a couple of longtime readers in Fullerton, California, who are represented as being in North Hollywood. Weird. My loyal Australian reader is shown as being in Brisbane, which is where she plans to move. Hm-m-m. Maybe Google is even more all-knowing than we think. Fullerton readers, get ready to move to North Hollywood!

7 comments:

Susan said...

Strange! I don't remember putting Brisbane in my details. Is Google really all that knowing and able to divine??

I think I'll do some checking on certain blog WRITERS who I think live in these mountains somewhere on the western side of the USA....

By the way, I always read your blog even if I don't always comment. You are one of my 6 'home page' tabs that starts up each time I open Windows Explorer.

Did Google know that, I wonder?

Oh - and I hope I have lots of money in the bank.

Tom Hurley said...

Well now, according to my Google spyware, you have $4,568.23 in the main account, and another $12,900 or so in the secondary account. These are Australian dollars, so you’re pretty much on par with US dollars. Hm-m-m. Maybe you’re not in such good shape after all.

Susan said...

Nice try.

Pete S. said...

Some of your most devoted readers (me) are not being counted by google-analytics. My browser uses Firefox plugin "NoScript" and thus runs no scripts, including google-analytics, unless I specifically tell it to do so. This is for security reasons, since scripts can include malicious code, and because I don't want Google's dossier on me to be any larger than it already is.

I enabled google-analytics for this comment, so I will show up in the statistics this time. Could you let me know what my current weight is? (I don't trust my bathroom scale).

Pete S. said...

By the way, the city that is logged most likely reflects the location of the ISP, not necessarily the location of the visitor. So the reader in Beijing could actually be in Zhangjiakou, at least partially explaining his drinking problem.

Susan said...

Sure hope you're just busy and not sick or anything. I miss your daily chauvinistic posts.

Tom Hurley said...

I’m back. Busy times and the need to spend literally hours on a post have made me slow down.